she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
