I should be sponsored by Trojan
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
