Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
