It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
