dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My ATM looks so different sober.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
