i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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