ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
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