I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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