my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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