apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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