i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
