need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
