That's intense
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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