My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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