Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
