yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
