Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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