I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
