but the lizard people decide everything anyway
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
