Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
be right there i have to get my cape
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
