And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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