Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
