I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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