She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Randomize
