We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
