I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
