i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
