I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize