You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
