I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
