I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
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he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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