why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
