I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize
