I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I cockslap morals
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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