Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize