I hate your face
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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