I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
