so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
