Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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