i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
