The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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