im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
