Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
accomplished twins. life is a go
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I still have a little drunk in my system
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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