In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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