Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
