separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
