If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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