It was confusing and full of hummus
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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