textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
