Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize