I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
two words: eviction party
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
