Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
