Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
