How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
