all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize