Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
