Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
