Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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