and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
