One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
