You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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